my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You ate ashes out of my bong
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
