He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
