Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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