i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
