this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
