love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
