put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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