Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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