She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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