god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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