Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
