Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
