Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
