I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
