Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
