and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
