Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
