how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
