The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
