absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
