I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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