Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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