I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
