I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
