did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
