You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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