my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
