we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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