I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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