I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
