I want to walk on stilts...naked
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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