There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
