Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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