Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
