You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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