he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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