I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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