I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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