a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
