There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
