tell your sister to shave her snatch
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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