so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
pray to the hookup gods
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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