We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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