She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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