I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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