So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
