Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
