Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
