We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
