Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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