I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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