We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
